Today I am at 201 lbs. I am finding managing the cravings for sweets to be much easier, especially as I see / feel the results of my progress. My knees hurt less, I have more energy and I am more alert. I have noticed some important things this week related to my cravings and patterns.
December 2012, I personally feel, was the peak of my depression, resentment and self deprecation. As I gain distance from that time, I am starting to see how powerful my addiction has been and the pattern I have been trapped in for so long. I know I am just getting started and I have more to do on this life long change but I am more confident in my potential for success than I have ever been in my life. I have more tools at my disposal and a strong, loving support system, which includes readers of this Blog.
Taking some terminology from psychotherapy, triggers are typically external stimulations which cause an internal response. These can be certain people, places, actions, sights, smells and sounds. Think Pavlov's Dog, he hears a bell and begins to salivate. I eat a meal and begin to crave dessert. I have a coffee and begin to crave a cookie or chocolate. I feel stressed, I begin to seek out sexual pleasure as a form of relief. The foods or even sex are not the problem here, it is the manner in which I am using them that is at issue. It is not coming from a healthy place, a habitual reaction not a choice. When I give in to a trigger, I am simply relieving a habitual pattern;
Trigger -> Craving -> Reaction -> Result...
Drink coffee -> Crave Chocolate -> Eat Chocolate -> Feel good then later feel guilt or shame for giving in to the trigger. Coupled with self deprecation when looking in the mirror. This adds to my stress which then adds to my trigger and here I go again.
The Qigong Principle of Listening has become one of my best friends on this journey. It has allowed me to notice when the triggers are activated and proactively choose a different reaction. So here is the pattern I am working on now. When a trigger comes up, I notice it and determine where it is coming from; am I feeling stress, am I reacting out of habit (IE after meal dessert); I sit with the feeling as long as is necessary to gain understanding of its origin. Once I understand it, I choose to accept it or reject it and allow EITHER decision to be ok. So here is the new pattern;
Trigger -> Craving -> Listen -> Conscious Choice -> Acceptance -> Result...
Here is an example from this week - Fayne and I had the opportunity for a date night after a long afternoon in the sound booth recording voiceovers for our new Training DVD. I took her to The Afgan Grill in North Dallas. When I got to the restaurant I was already plotting my path through the meal, craving Baklava and Turkish Coffee. I ordered a Vegetarian dish partly to save some "caloric room" for these amazing treats. We had water with the meal but it was very cold outside and I wanted something warm to drink - TURKISH COFFEE! I knew this would further trigger/ enhance my desire for dessert so I waited to order it. I ate slowly, and about half way through my plate, I ordered hot tea instead. Much to my surprise and pleasure, they make an amazing Cardamon Tea. (My new favorite) I still had the cravings but I was sitting with them, enjoying the meal and our conversation. By the end, I had let go of the cravings and even better yet, felt no remorse for the decision. I did not feel deprived and depressed which has historically been one of the main reasons for my past failed attempts at change.
In the end, using Listening Energy to identify my triggers and recognize the habitual patterns has allowed me to make conscious choices which serve my best, long term interest. As I see and feel positive results on this journey, the cravings are not nearly as strong, and they have become much shorter in length.
Thank you for listening.
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