FEAR is a powerful motivator and the media knows it.

We live in Dallas, Texas. Some 400 miles north of the Hurricane Harvey aftermath and flooding currently overwhelming our southern most neighbors in greater Houston and southern Louisiana. Our hearts go out to them as they work to recover from the sheer magnitude of this event.

As a Medical Qigong Therapist, I have the opportunity to see first hand what fear can do to the body in every patient I see. Short, medium and long term.

Short term it creates an elevated state of sympathetic nervous system response which promotes tunnel vision, a deeply driven need to move away from the perceived danger and strong motivation for self preservation. These are programmed so deeply into our human nature that it is almost impossible to avoid some level of fear response under the right circumstances.

With medium term exposure to fear, we find ourselves able to "manage" the prolonged fear response in a way that allows us to function more "freely" in our day to day. Sure we are anxious, our blood pressure may be elevated and we are quick to overreact to situations, usually inappropriately but we are functioning none the less.

With long term fear response, our nervous system has been in a state of sympathetic overdrive for so long that it is now the only place we "feel safe". We are on constant alert, usually have heart palpitations or arrhythmia, trouble sleeping, frequent headaches, a short fuse, reacting either with anger or retreat to even the slightest stimuli, and proper digestion is a distant memory. Pain levels are elevated and unrelenting with personal and professional relationships deteriorating and now vulnerable to collapse.

At first, this state of fear response feels "hot" and uncomfortable but over time, we acclimate and become "comfortable" with these more intense feelings. Or maybe "familiar" is a better word. We now feel that if we are not in this heightened state, we will somehow lose the edge necessary to feel safe, not consciously realizing that we truly do not feel safe, ever, and this is what keeps the viscous cycle going. 24/7.

The news media exploits this part of our human psyche as a way to stimulate viewership which then allows them to charge more for advertising and make more money. Not unlike the more readership a newspaper has, the more they can charge for advertising. So when a "big event" like Hurricane Harvey happens, they know that the most reliable response to generate viewership is fear. Sensationalist imagery, promises of more detail to come, and the threat of impending doom are hallmarks of our current model of news media. In Dallas, this week, we are experiencing a panic around a media outlets FALSE PREDICTION that we have a MAJOR GAS SHORTAGE looming large. This has caused people to line up around the block, start fist fights for cutting in line, fill extra containers and scramble on social media to find a tank of gasoline. The fuel companies have been hard at work to calm people down after this report with little to no success. Remember the tunnel vision I mentioned? The ball is rolling are we are chasing it down the hill. Cant stop now! The same theory applies to the people we see on the news who have driven into too deep water and now need to be rescued. While there may be some arrogant people who think they can make it, the vast majority are operating on fear and the fear in their minds is greater than the fear of driving through high water, during that myopic moment in time. Of course, hind sight is 20/20 and we, from our couches can see that this is a bad idea but in that moment, in their minds, they see no other reasonable choice.

We can not control the news media except by turning them off, and we certainly can not control mother nature but we do have the ability to control our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) and its response to external stimuli. Depending on the level of intensity you personally experience, it will take training, deeper awareness and maybe professional guidance but you can train yourself to strengthen your connection to your innate fight or flight response mechanism (ANS). Medical Qigong Therapy combines physical, mental and emotional training to help guide your path to wellbeing. This is a path of personal empowerment, not a quick fix, with truly amazing results. Fear is not an enemy to be conquered but a friend to be understood. Are you ready?

Since before the election I have been spending less time on Facebook; not to bury my head in the sand or block out the "truth" but to create a health boundary for myself from the barrage of false information and abusive rhetoric being handed out by all sides.

The see-saw, back and forth attacks and complaining about each other solves nothing and shuts down everyone.  I can not explain loud enough or call anyone the perfect insult to help them see my point of view. Or at least realize that they are wrong and I am, of course right.

A hallmark of healthy communication requires that each side creates a safe space where each perspective can be shared and used to educate the other. Each person in a discussion must feel free to express their deepest ideals in order to have a chance at being understood, and accepted. This is how, as social creatures, we recognize and accept each other. Ignorance breeds fear and with it, hate. 

To those that say this is nambie-pambie or weak argument, I say just try it. Take the time, with someone you love who does not feel understood and create a space where no matter what they have to say, you do not react or respond, you create a place where they can feel truly heard. You do not have to agree with them, or even accept their position as factual, you simply listen and accept that this is their truth and their perspective on a very complex and personal issue.

Please post results of your Listening Energy conversation. Ill be listening. 

September 11, 2016

9-11-16. This day, 15 years ago set us on a very difficult and painful path which continues, even after all this time. That morning, I was in a meeting with my boss's boss, Roger Staubach when the news broke. We all rushed into the main conference room, with the large projection screen TV, to see the horrors of that morning unfold. We stood together, silent. Roger sent us home to be with our families. The drive home was silent. I held my family tight and went out on the back patio to sit, in silence. It was then I was struck with the incredible silence all around me. No traffic on the roads, in the skies and even the neighborhood dogs seemed to know we all needed quiet to wrap our minds around the magnitude of what we had just witnessed, as a nation. In the days, weeks, months and years to follow, we would move through the many stages of grief and begin wars in far away places with a certainty that left us all, uncertain. I personally was laid off, and spent the next few years in contract jobs for a small movement education company, FEMA the FBI and others just trying to keep my family living above the poverty line.

In October of 2009, I began working with Active Duty Military in a regional behavioral treatment center designed to help them find their way past their particular traumas. I experience the painful reality of the struggles they came home to, through 5 years of weekly groups and thousands of painful stories. In October of 2012, we began working with Veterans, in weekly educational groups, through the VA Health Care System, and began to realize just how long these painful realities would stay with our men and women military members and their families, after their returns home. It became painfully clear to us that if we do not address these issues early with consistency, patience and love they would never fully go away, leading to a lifetime of struggles and personal suffering for our Veterans and their loved ones.

On Friday, 9-9-2016, we started a new chapter in the evolution of SimplyAware; The Medical Qigong Therapy Center. While the clinic is open to all who wish to work beyond the symptoms of their particular issues and identify the roots so they may fully heal, are welcome; we plan to specialize in trauma. The kind of trauma that hit us on 9-11-2001. The kinds of trauma that our military men and women come home with and struggle to talk about or come to terms with. The kind of traumas that stay with you and beg for your attention, day and night, until you finally listen. We are here and we will listen with you and provide tools and perspectives which will help you find your way through the traumas. While our clinic is a huge milestone for us. it is but another step on a lifelong commitment I personally have to helping those who have sacrificed so much to afford us the freedoms we often take for granted. These are my brothers and sisters in arms and I will never fail them. While the VA has seen fit to cut funding to our very successful programs, SimplyAware is working with our Veteran program graduates and community leaders to create a foundation which will continue this important work far into the future.

On 9-11-2001 we were silent, trying to understand the magnitude of what had happened. Today we continue to struggle with the aftermath of that day physically, mentally and emotionally as a nation but our silence has turned to action.

I pray for the families who suffered such tremendous loss on that September morning, and that the lessons we have learned from this painful experience make us better, as a people, for each other.

Its "Practice What You Preach Time" again...

While it has been quite some time since my last blog entry, life has continued, and my ability to hold the 8 Qigong Principles aligned is still challenged, daily.

Fayne and I have been blessed to have been working with Veterans within the North Texas VA Health Care System since October 2012. Fast forward 4 years and we have worked with over 800 hundred Veterans with thousands of issues from PTS(d) and chronic anxiety to chronic pain and depression. The transformations we have witnessed in quality of life, are nothing short of amazing. In all the measurements we take on physical, mental, emotional and social levels, through our detailed questionnaire, our Veterans are reporting no less than a 44% improvement, in every measurement taken. Additionally, we have had no complaints filed against us and no reported suicides of our students and many are reducing or eliminating their symptomatic medication loads for pain, elevated blood pressure, anxiety and depression.

Yet in light of this wall of evidence that our Training Mindfully with Qigong Principles extended group education program works very well, The VA has informed us that they will not be renewing our contract for 2017. We have been told that this is strictly a budget issue and that they now have people “trained in Qigong” that can “do it in house.” For them to tell us they can train internal staff in a few weeks to do what we have been training almost our whole lives for, is hard to take. For them to say that we are too expense is to grossly underestimate the skill we bring to the group training environment, the quality of the TMQP program, and the incredible success of our graduates. Plus the fact that our per Veteran served cost is less than $15.00 per class, including the many off classroom hours of administrative requirements involved in managing our formal VA Clinics, is hard to accept.

To say this is a blow to Fayne and myself is to understate the impact on our family. As of this week, we now have two young men in college (out of state) and this contract represented about 80% to 90% of our annual income. Yes, you could say that we put too many eggs in one basket and I would agree, however, the demands on our time to manage this government program, and the roller coaster ride working with the VA has been, in great part, created this vacuum. Extending our programs into Fort Worth two years ago year, then taking it away this year with a potential promise to return, plus the requested addition of a new Plano class and a seated Spinal Cord Injury Program for 2017, had us choosing not to backfill our teaching schedule as we planned to serve more Veterans weekly. This conversation from our Director carried forward into late June. Then, suddenly, we were told they were opting not to offer SimplyAware new contract.

We could be bitter and resentful but we are not. We are mostly sad, and hopeful. Sad because we have grown quite fond of working with these amazing people, from all walks of life, we call Veterans. We cherish the opportunity to meet them where they are, sharing perspective shifting insights and traditional Qigong training to help them find their physical, mental and emotional alignment. From this place of alignment, they are able to make choices that are firmly in line with their true, most beautiful nature. Fayne and I are hopeful, because if we practice what we preach and stand in our Qigong Principles, we know deep in our hearts that if this door is closing, the universe has something even more powerful in store for SimplyAware, and our family.

We know, our Training Mindfully with Qigong Principles program empowers people to step into their truth and maybe that is what was most uncomfortable for the VA. We witnessed many of our Veterans shedding years of pain and suffering, greatly reducing, and in many cases, eliminating their symptom relieving medication load while reconnecting with their friends and families with an authenticity which is beautiful to see. So if the 4 years we had within the VA’s medical, military and government bureaucracy did nothing else, it gave us a mound of evidence that this training works very well.

When we broke the news to our current classes, they were understandably very angry. In their experience, the VA has a history of taking away programs which prove beneficial. We encouraged them to use the tools they have been working so hard on these past few months. We told them to stand in their Qigong Principles, align themselves, speak their truth in a manner which honors them, and then, most importantly, TRUST that this transition will work out best for all involved.

We we first received this major, life changing news, Fayne and I checked in with each other and both said, I’m not scared. Is this scary? Yes. But we are not scared because over the past 14 years we have witnessed so many significant shifts in our world that turned out to be exactly what was needed, in that moment, that now we simply TRUST that everything will work out as it should. That does not mean we will just sit back and let the money come rolling in from...wherever. It means that it is again time to sit quietly, align ourselves within our Qigong Principles and listen for the next steps on this beautiful journey. Stay tuned!

A Flag Draped Box... Original Poem by Sifu Chris Bouguyon

A Flag Draped Box

Today we honor those carried home in a flag draped box,

with them a foot locker full of memories behind a simple lock;

The stories of their efforts are often left untold,

Leaving us to wonder what secrets they did hold;

Where did you go?

What did you do?

Why did this harm come down on you?

Families are lost, confused and unsure of what comes next,

The one whose never coming home has left an awful mess;

The ones they left behind to carry on for them, 

Are often much to young to truly understand

“When is Mommy coming home? She promised me a dress”

“When is Daddy coming home? I haven’t learned to catch”

These questions are the start of a new reality,

One where loved ones lost, are just a memory.

Let us never forget the pain that runs so deep,

it keeps their children up at night while we so soundly sleep.

For my Brothers and Sisters in Arms who are no longer here to read this, I offer my love, deepest respect and gratitude for your precious gift to me and my family.

LCB 5/26/2014

Upcoming SimplyAware Training/Workshop opportunities

Upcoming SimplyAware Training/Workshop opportunities

Testing my Ability to Smile...

Smiling Energy is the last principle we teach in our Training Mindfully with Qigong Principles Program, for a very good reason. Over the years I have learned that in order to have a genuine heart felt smile, and a deep sense of gratitude, all 7 of the other principles must be applied first. They do not have to be perfect but they do have to be a genuine, work in progress.

On July 28th, I had what would later become one of the best training exercises for Smiling Energy I have ever endured.
Having just finished several days at the National Qigong Association Conference, I was ready to drive to the airport and fly home. A couple of friends asked if I could give them a ride which I was happy to do. While we had had some rain near the hotel, the closer we got to the airport, the heavier the rain became. Visibility was low and we made several wrong turns (thank you Siri) before finally getting my first friend to the terminal so she could head home. The rain was coming down in sheets and it felt like a tropical storm. Later we found out it was the second largest rainfall total for Philly; 6 inches in 2 hours.

After I dropped friend number one, I proceeded to drive my other friend to her hotel near the airport. The rain was making it difficult to see but now many of the roads were being flooded as well. This included the road at the entrance to her hotel. Left with few options, I plowed into the 8 inches of standing water to get into the hotel parking lot. Water came up over to hood, windshield and roof from the wake of my determination to get her there. Mission accomplished. Rental car, none the worse wear.

The next stage was to drop off the rental car where I saw a poor guy in a yellow rain suit, with his digital scanner and soggy rental receipts waiting for me. Once I was free of the rental car, I had about a 50 yard walk to the bus stop in the rain. The bus was so crowded I assumed it would stop at all terminals including mine. It did not. (That was on me.) Left with the choice of looping through all the other terminals, back to the rental area and back to the terminal again, I decided it was easier to walk back the 100 yards or more to the other terminal. As I began my walk, I was soaked to the bone and feeling pretty sorry for myself. Suddenly I remembered - I LOVE WALKING IN THE RAIN!

My whole attitude changed and I was splashing in puddles and laughing out loud. One gentleman, smoking under the cover of a ledge at the terminal entrance, saw the whole thing and probably wondered if I should be allowed to walk free on the streets. When I arrived at security, literally dripping on the tile floor, they looked at me inquisitively and asked - "What the hell happened to you?" I smiled and said in a playful voice "ITS RAINING!" They still let me pass. When I got to the scanner, my clothes were sticking to me and quite see-through so I proceeded to tell the TSA agent, "you don't have to scan me, you can see right through my clothes!" Smiling of course...No dice. However, it would appear that the airport scanners do not like trying to see through water either so I was offered a free massage right there, for all to see. When the TSA Agent started messing with my waist band I asked him if he was going to buy me dinner first. He barely looked up and said, "not this time." I smiled anyway.

By this time, my bags had gone through the scanner and aroused suspicion as well. I had a beautiful decorative rock in my carry on which I had purchased for Fayne's birthday, which was today. TSA directed me to another area where they could thoroughly search my bags. I smiled and showed them all my stuff. Once they were convinced the rock was actually a rock, they let me move on to my next adventure. Wet, cold and tired, I stopped by a Starbucks and got a coffee before heading to my gate. Once at the gate, with my phone at 8% charge, I found that electrical outlets were very hard to come by with people huddled around each one like moths to a flame. To my surprise there was one open near the gate agent's desk so I grabbed a chair, plugged in and began to breathe deep and relax. It was about then that the first notice came of our plane being delayed because of the storm. I smiled, sat back and prepared for a longer wait. When my phone had reached about 20% charge, I heard a loud boom and the terminal went dark. All power in the terminal went out. It was about this time that the fire alarm went off and we were being told to evacuate the terminal immediately, in 8 different languages. Once the gate agent had checked with the powers that be, we were told we could stay in place because the terminal had simply lost power and there was no immediate danger. I again sat back, breathed deeply and smiled.

I did wonder that if we were in no immediate danger, then why then, for the next hour, did the fire alarm remain so vigilant in it attempts to evacuate the terminal. I could feel that people were getting very frustrated. Pained by the loud noise of the alarm and flashing strobe lights in the dark terminal. There was nothing for me to do so I sat back and began to breathe deep and smile. I went into a deep meditation whereby I began to explorer the intricate sounds which made up the alarm tone. When you listen carefully there are actually several different tones and rhythms in an alarm signal. I thought about how the "alarm tone designers" might have decided what tones to use. I imagined them trying to figure out which ones, in which combination would get the most attention. I think they found a winner in Philly. At one point in all the chaos and frustration at gate 29, with me sitting in my corner breathing and smiling, I felt eyes on me so I opened mine to find the gate agent staring at me and smiling back. In that moment, when our eyes met, I realized that I had inadvertently helped her reframe the experience we were having. Her mood lightened up and she began to be more playful and light hearted with the hundred or so fellow passengers clamoring for her attention. This made me smile even deeper. The smile was spreading.

It was near this time that the passengers which had more access to technology than our gate agent, informed her our flight had been cancelled. When she confirmed it for us, I worked to booked a hotel room nearby on 7% power with a wordy hotel agent who insisted on going through her programmed spiel even though I had explained thatI might lose my phone power at any moment. I then left the terminal in search of a working outlet for my failing phone. Having found one in a main hallway, I was sitting where people were running by me frantically trying to find their way home. Still wet and cold, I worked to simultaneously charge my phone and get a return flight home. No dice. The best they could do was Tuesday afternoon. Then about an hour later, I was able to get a flight out on Monday but it was in New York. I would have to navigate my way by train and bus to catch that flight. With my phone mostly charged decided to get to the hotel, dry off and try again later.

Once in the room, and dry, I was trying to figure out how to get to New York by navigating the unfamiliar public transportation systems between Philly and New York. I smiled and looked at this as another adventure. Something I had never done before. It was about then that American Airlines called me back and we were able to get me on a US Airways flight back to Dallas out of Philly on Monday afternoon. I cancelled my Monday classes, notified Fayne of the changes, smiled and went to bed.

MOnday morning, fully rested and fed, I left for the airport early expecting there to be a significant crowd of stranded passengers from the previous days adventure. I was right. The line at the check in desk was very long and the agents were being taxed with frustrated, annoyed passengers. When it was my turn, I walked up to the desk smiling and sheepishly said, hello, I am an American Airlines Refugee...Can you help me get home. She giggled and said don't hold your breath, I have only had one other person with a confirmed reservation transferred from American all day. I smiled and hoped for the best. After a few minutes of checking, she informed me I was the second one today that had a confirmed MIDDLE seat. I smiled and asked, do you have a window or isle? She laughed and said I must be a comedian and should count my blessings that I was inside the plane. Then I proceeded to say sheepishly - "then a first class seat is out of the question?" To that, we both laughed out loud. I thanked her for her time and effort and began to head to the terminal. Smiling. When I looked back, I noticed that she now had a smile in her heart for the next customer in line. Again, the smile was spreading.

As I sat and had a nice lunch waiting for my flight, I thought back on the previous 24 hours events. I know that in the not so distant past, I would have handled all of it much differently. I could have easily been one of the irate, frustrated, "why does this always happen TO me" passengers. Instead, I chose to move past that mindset and realized all of this was happening FOR me. By TRUSTING that I would be fine no matter what was thrown my way, ALLOWING the events to unfold as they needed to (not trying to control thing I clearly could not control) and feeling GRATEFUL all the while, I truly felt a deep sense of personal practice unfold. With every turn of events, I smiled deeper. I thought of how I could relate this back to my students. I truly felt grateful for ever turn. I moved from victim, to survivor. Smiling Energy is indeed a powerful tool worth cultivating.

No Excuses. Just Human, and Humbled.

The past couple of week have been a bit overwhelming and I fell off the wagon, hard. I have fallen back into old patterns of self talk and behaviors which I clearly know do not serve me. I have been drinking alcohol (not to excess) but enough to feel it, drinking lots of coffee and consequently, eating lots of sugar. As a result, I am in a lot of physical pain and feeling defeated. I am now up to 201 pounds and the goals I set at the beginning of this year feel out of reach.

As I process what happened, If find that the week leading up to Galen's Bar Mitzvah was particularly stressful with lots of last minutes preparations, frustrations and rushing around. The day itself was amazing, Galen did a beautiful job and we had many friends and family around to share the event and love with us. I found myself teetering between staying focused on my goals and letting go with the excuse of the "special occasion". The latter won.

During the next week, while in this already emotionally weakened state, I learned that Aaron, a 20 year old boy I had been working with in hospital, had died. While I could not have seen it coming and was helpless to stop it, his death hit me hard. So young, yet so lost. I thought about my boys and fear for their futures began to infiltrate my thoughts. I reached for comfort in the thing that weakens me, sugar.

As I sit and write this morning, I have a migraine, my right shoulder and arm are weak and painful, my mid back is very tight and my foundation (back, hips, knees, feet) are all painful and unhappy. My emotions are low and I feel I have nothing left in the tank.

As I sit back, take a few deep breaths and clear my mind, I am realizing that these thoughts and emotions are all temporary and well within my control. Today is a new day and an opportunity to reframe my goals. I know when I am moving towards my goals I feel light, clear and strong. I know I do not want to be in pain. So, instead of using the past two weeks as a tool for self deprecation, I am choosing to use it as a learning experience on this journey. The more I learn, the less likely I will be surprised and fall victim, in this manner again.

Now, I see how easy it is to loose sight of my goals and fall back into old patterns. Now, I see how life can take quick, surprising turns and lead me down dark alleys. Now, I see how much physical pain is directly associated with my diet and emotional state.

And now, I see how opening my eyes, being honest, caring and willing to accept my own short comings can free me from my harmful patterns.

The power of stress...

Today I weighed in at 200 lbs. When I saw that number on my scale, the first feeling I had was one of utter defeat. I immediately heard a powerful old self talk come out as "what's the use." Man, what a difference a week makes. Last week I was feeling really strong, making progress and moving forward, one little setback and whammo, the patterns return.

As I look back for some idea of what happened I notice that my stress level has been quite high this week. We started the next series of VA Programs, I am behind schedule on the workbooks, DVDs, Galen's Bar Mitzvah, home maintenance, house cleaning, family responsibilities and so much more. There are pressures coming at me from what feels like every direction possible in my life. I have been sleeping less, feeling more pain in my body and craving coffee and subsequently, sugar.

We teach our students about the holistic approach to the healing process and the fact that the three levels of human existence - Physical - Mental and Emotional depend upon each other for support and can affect each other negatively as well. We encourage students to listen to these three levels intently and recognize how they correlate to each other. With this knowledge, one can take active control over much of your life. I may not be able to relieve myself of all pain from a chronic injury but I can certainly reduce my pain symptoms by altering how I think and feel about the pain and related circumstances. It starts with stress...

What we feel as stress begins with a stimulation of the sympathetic side of the autonomic nervous system. Or more commonly called, the fight or flight mechanism. When the stress response is triggered, many systems jump into action with the elevation of heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, mental acuity... while some fall back to allow more room for the necessary response, most notably, digestion. So the more stressed out I feel, the harder it becomes for me to properly digest my food, leading to a myriad of digestive disorders such as ulcers, gastritis, colitis, irritable bowl syndrome, migraines and much more. As my digestion slows, or in extreme cases shuts down, my ability to process food properly, diminishes thus causes more food to be stored instead of released. This is on top of the myriad of hormones released while under stress which lead to storage, rather than processing of, food.

I am clear that key for me on this journey will be to use my stress management strategies to allow my body to maintain a more balanced approach to processing food.

A week full of opportunities...

I am getting to this later than I had hoped but such is life. This morning I weighed in at 199.7 pounds. At this rate, I will reach my goal weight of 185 lbs. in less than three months.


One of my favorite mantras is "TRUST - ALLOW - BE THANKFUL" ~ Dr. Alan Chen

TRUST that everything is unfolding as it needs to, in your best interest
ALLOW things to unfold before you in their own time
BE THANKFUL for every step and lesson along the way


This week began very well with me leaving for Albuquerque NM to attend a weekend of Board meetings with my colleagues on the National Qigong Association Board of Directors. For me, the big challenge when traveling has always been sticking to a healthy diet. Restaurants are notorious for serving rich, oversized portions and offering intense dessert options. Not long ago I would have fallen prey to my "I deserve this" self talk and would have come home having added at least two of three pounds to my morning weigh in. I am pleased to say, not this time.

Over the past month, my observations regarding self talk, triggers and patterns has really helped me to become more aware. That awareness has helped to shift my behaviors from "unconscious habit" to conscious choices and WOW what a difference! I found myself easily moving past bad choices on the menu and finding the best choices for my continued success, and it did not feel like sacrifice, at all. In addition, when I made a choice which was a bit less healthy, I allowed that to be a conscious choice and therefore did not have the guilt and self loathing attached to it I am so used to feeling. I even had a very nice chocolate tort (flourless cake) with a creme brûlée layer on top for dessert on Saturday night. This was topping off a nice grilled salmon caesar salad. No guilt. This is very new territory for me.

On the walk back to the hotel I listened to what I was telling myself about the meal I had just enjoyed. Yes, there was some doubt that I had made a good choice but over all I allowed myself that treat without the baggage.

Now, once I got home, things were a bit different. We began a new series of Qigong Principle Training at the Dallas VA on Tuesday and I was feeling lees than prepared. In short, my "less than" and "not good enough" self talk was on full volume. Being pulled in many directions, I find myself lacking time to work on the tools for that program which leaves me feeling frustrated and fatalistic. This leads me to being tired, then when I do have time, I sometimes lack the motivation to step into what I know have to (and truly want to) do. This is where some of my positive self talk comes in to save the day. "I can do this" / "one step at a time" / "it will get done" are all things I hear in my head, especially when I am feeling really beat down. Sometimes "whats the use" wins, but not for long. For you see, even with all the difficulty I have faced in my life, I am still here. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. I married one too.

Even still, the fighter in me allowed my anger to crop up this week and my pain levels have been higher than usual. This is a familiar, albeit uncomfortable, pattern. I tried to sit with my breath and listen to my anger, working to identify where it was coming from but at times it was clouded over and unclear. This simply shows me that there are parts inside me which still need me to listen with an open mind and compassionate heart. There was a time where my ego would get really angry at the thought that I was not "done" with my anger but I know realize I am, and will continue to be a "work in progress".

Dealing with temptations...

Today, I am at 200 pounds. I have not seen that number on my scale in almost 2 years. Last Friday I was at 201, then Friday night I had the very rare opportunity to take Kamin out for a "Daddy and Me" dinner. We started out for a nice Chinese Buffet near our home but it was so crowded we decided to go to a small German restaurant near by instead. In typical German style, the food was delicious and abundant. Looking back I ate at least twice what I normally eat in one sitting. The next morning I was up to 203! Yikes! Wrong way...

Immediately after the meal, feeling stuffed, and cloudy I noticed a sense of guilt starting to creep in, and the sadness I have so long associated with "failures" in my life. This is not a comfortable place, anymore. Recognizing the pattern of failure feeding guilt, then using the self talk "Whats the use" to fall back into old habits, I sat back listened, breathed deep and gave myself the opportunity to learn from the experience instead.

I learned that guilt is a significant trigger for me. I fail to hold up to my own (or others) expectations and whammo, I give up on myself. As I mentioned before, once the trigger / pattern has been identified, it loses its ability to control, without conscious permission. I recently found a wonderful quote for this particular point -

"If you're tired of starting over, then stop giving up"

I have been limiting myself to one cup of coffee but this week, after about an hour of consideration, I allowed myself two. No sugar, just a bit of milk. I allowed that to be ok and worked to notice if I felt or thought any differently during the day. Without the guilt, nothing really came up.

This process continues to be a fruitful exploration of self and how I align myself thorough thoughts and actions. Triggers, patterns and opportunities to "Cheat" abound in a house full of children and responsibilities.

This week, I gave myself permission to be less than perfect.

The cravings are getting easier to manage.

Today I am at 201 lbs. I am finding managing the cravings for sweets to be much easier, especially as I see / feel the results of my progress. My knees hurt less, I have more energy and I am more alert.  I have noticed some important things this week related to my cravings and patterns.

December 2012, I personally feel, was the peak of my depression, resentment and self deprecation. As I gain distance from that time, I am starting to see how powerful my addiction has been and the pattern I have been trapped in for so long. I know I am just getting started and I have more to do on this life long change but I am more confident in my potential for success than I have ever been in my life. I have more tools at my disposal and a strong, loving support system, which includes readers of this Blog.

Taking some terminology from psychotherapy, triggers are typically external stimulations which cause an internal response. These can be certain people, places, actions, sights, smells and sounds. Think Pavlov's Dog, he hears a bell and begins to salivate. I eat a meal and begin to crave dessert. I have a coffee and begin to crave a cookie or chocolate. I feel stressed, I begin to seek out sexual pleasure as a form of relief. The  foods or even sex are not the problem here, it is the manner in which I am using them that is at issue. It is not coming from a healthy place, a habitual reaction not a choice. When I give in to a trigger, I am simply relieving a habitual pattern;
Trigger -> Craving -> Reaction -> Result...
Drink coffee -> Crave Chocolate -> Eat Chocolate -> Feel good then later feel guilt or shame for giving in to the trigger. Coupled with self deprecation when looking in the mirror. This adds to my stress which then adds to my trigger and here I go again.

The Qigong Principle of Listening has become one of my best friends on this journey. It has allowed me to notice when the triggers are activated and proactively choose a different reaction. So here is the pattern I am working on now. When a trigger comes up, I notice it and determine where it is coming from; am I feeling stress, am I reacting out of habit (IE after meal dessert); I sit with the feeling as long as is necessary to gain understanding of its origin. Once I understand it, I choose to accept it or reject it and allow EITHER decision to be ok. So here is the new pattern;
Trigger -> Craving -> Listen -> Conscious Choice -> Acceptance -> Result...

Here is an example from this week - Fayne and I had the opportunity for a date night after a long afternoon in the sound booth recording voiceovers for our new Training DVD. I took her to The Afgan Grill in North Dallas. When I got to the restaurant I was already plotting my path through the meal, craving Baklava and Turkish Coffee. I ordered a Vegetarian dish partly to save some "caloric room" for these amazing treats. We had water with the meal but it was very cold outside and I wanted something warm to drink - TURKISH COFFEE! I knew this would further trigger/ enhance my desire for dessert so I waited to order it. I ate slowly, and about half way through my plate, I ordered hot tea instead. Much to my surprise and pleasure, they make an amazing Cardamon Tea. (My new favorite) I still had the cravings but I was sitting with them, enjoying the meal and our conversation. By the end, I had let go of the cravings and even better yet, felt no remorse for the decision. I did not feel deprived and depressed which has historically been one of the main reasons for my past failed attempts at change.

In the end, using Listening Energy to identify my triggers and recognize the habitual patterns has allowed me to make conscious choices which serve my best, long term interest. As I see and feel positive results on this journey, the cravings are not nearly as strong, and they have become much shorter in length.

Thank you for listening.

Sinking Energy...Letting go

This week I weighed in at 204. Down two pounds. My mind feels brighter and I am finding I have more energy. I started back to teaching, after our year end break, which brings about a new selection of challenges. Mondays, I eat snacks in the car, driving between classes. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays I typically eat out, using the down time to read and write. As we all know eating well in a restaurant can be a challenge, between calories, portion sizes and other temptations. This is where Sinking Energy can come into play.

Sinking Energy, on a physical level, is about letting go of unnecessary muscles. Allowing my structural alignment (bones) to bear the majority of the load and my muscles to move the load from place to place, in proper alignment. On a mental level, Sinking Energy becomes about letting go of thoughts which do not serve me. "its just one treat", "I deserve this" and "I don't care" are three big ones for me, especially when I am looking at things that do not support my long term health goals.

Taking a step back, before I could make a conscious choice to move past these "self talk" messages, I first had to hear them clearly, acknowledge that they at one point may have served me but are now in my way. Here is a typical example form my week - I am feeling "snackie" and head to the pantry. Nutella! I can smell it, remember how it tastes and want some. Then I hear, "but you shouldn't". Then, but I have been so good, I swam 2000 meters on Thursday - "I deserve this". If I am able to resist further, then I hear, "I don't care". Even though a part of me knows I really do care. Especially when my pants are too tight and I feel foggy and tired after the fact.

In my work with addictions, I have learned that the typical "physical need" once triggered, lasts only about 20 minutes. After that it is a mental game. So one strategy I am implementing on this journey is to sit with the craving and self talk for 20 minutes before I make a final decision on the "treat". This does not mean sitting in meditation, although that can be very good if the craving is strong. It simply means to spend time listening to the craving. I find that doing something else while I am actively listening to the craving helps distract. With this practice, I am finding that after about 15 minutes, the internal drive for the treat is basically gone. And if, after waiting, I choose to have the treat then I eat it slowly, allowing myself to enjoy every morsel, guilt free. That is the deal. Obviously if the addiction is deadly, such as with narcotics, leaving the guilt free sampling out is critical to long term success.

I found a saying that I have posted on my wall next to my desk which is helping me with letting go of these thoughts that no longer serve my best interests.

"Discipline is choosing between what you want NOW, and what you want MOST." Perfect.

Exploring Qigong Principles from the inside out...

Like water always seeking to be level, we are all simply seeking balance in our lives. If we are hot, we want to cool down; cold, warm up; hungry, eat; tired, sleep. In pain, get out of pain and so on. There is a delicate, intricate balance of chemicals in our bodies which is always simply seeking to be in balance.

As I continue this journey of internal change, the principle of "Listening" is a wonderful tool to dig deep into who I am, right now. Here are some examples from this week.

I love coffee. I would consider it a comfort food for me. It is not about the caffeine, it is about the smell, the taste (with cream and sugar) and the warmth I get from drinking it. I am going without for now because I have learned that it is a trigger for my sugar cravings. Yes, I drink it with sugar but even when I don't, the craving is still there although, not as strong. So, until I can learn to moderate, I will stay away from that trigger of temptation.

Also, I am noticing that at certain times of the day I am REALLY craving sweets and as I look back at my habits, I begin to see how the pattern plays out. We usually finish dinner around 7 or 8 pm and by 10 pm I am finding myself hungry for a snack. This leads me down the road of wanting to fill that void before going to bed. I hear a persistent self talk of "don't go to bed hungry". I found myself pacing around last night trying to talk myself out of a snack and then trying to find a healthy snack that I felt would satisfy my pattern and self talk. I tried a few pine nuts, and a small oatmeal cookie (gluten free, sugar free, taste free). No dice. I still had this savory - sweet craving that I thought only a Payday candy bar could fill. I ended up out on the back porch, sitting in meditation with a glass of water and the cold night air, listening. While I sat in a Dan Tien Breathing meditation, listening to the craving, the pattern and the desire slowly drifted out of my body. I stayed up for a while more but the craving had left me.

I can see that the principle of listening will serve me very well on this journey.

Happy? New Year 2013

As I sit and read my last entry, I am realizing I have so many things going on in my life right now. Over the past year I have strived to live the words I wrote in December 2011 but I know I have fallen short at times. Does this make me a bad person? I think it makes me an average mortal. We strive, we try, we fail, we strive we try, we succeed, we strive, we try we fail and so on...The key is that we learn with each step we take. The learning is where I have fallen down maybe more than most for you see, I am an addict. I am addicted to pleasure and its many forms.

In Daoist Tradition, this is the year of the Water Snake, my year to step up. To honor myself, my many teachers and the path I have been given to walk in this life.

I ask my students to move into discomfort, and often say that the places where we are most uncomfortable offer the most power to heal. Well, there is nothing more uncomfortable to me, right now than the words I am about to share on this page. I feel my heart energy stirring so I know I am in the right place, for me to begin healing on a deeper level. I am and Addict.

For most of my adult life, I was addicted to sex as a means of proving myself worthy of love. Meaning if I was sharing sex with a woman, I was loving and loved. It took many years and painful processing for me to realize how wrong I was. Sex has nothing to do with love, but deep love can lead to wonderful sex. I struggled with the confused picture of sex I was given as an 11/12 year old Boy Scout, by a Scout Leader who was also very confused about what love was. It took me many years to move the profound confusion, anger and hatred I had for him into a place of compassion. Not forgiveness, just compassion for the hardships he must have endured to grow up so confused. I do not wish to mislead anyone into thinking that I have forgotten what happened, that is not the case. if I close my eyes, I can still go there, but what i feel now is very different. Having come to peace with this time in my life has been about finding the gifts I have been given during that difficult time.

1) I am a very loving, active father to our three boys. I have learned to show them what self respect and honesty can bring to their hearts. They are all three, active Scouts and strong, kind, loving young men.

2) As a husband, I have learned the meaning of true love. And that the physical act of sex is a very small fraction of what true love is about. This is still a work in progress for me as my physical desires are still strong and confusion returns at times of pain and emotional weakness.

3) As a Recreational Therapist, I spend time each week with people who are struggling to make sense of their personal traumas. My having sat in their shoes (often to a lesser degree) has given me the ability to empathize with them, earn their respect, and share some of the tools I have used on my personal healing path.

I am an Addict.
Sugar and fats have been a big part of my life as far back as I can remember. There were many painful times in my childhood and there are several food groups which give me comfort and pleasure. The words "I deserve this" are often playing in the back of my mind when I reach for something I know is not healthy and will add to my growing waistline. At 206 pounds, I am heavier today than I have ever been in my life.

When working with addiction, I tell patients to face their feelings and listen to the self talk to gain insights into why the "drug of choice" is in their lives. What keeps you going back for more?
This is going to be my forum for learning this piece of myself. I am making it public because I have been struggling with this too long in private. My health is at risk and I feel like a hypocrite if I do not step up to the challenges I give each of my students / patients.

So here goes...I am addicted to sugars and fats...They give me pleasure which, as stated above, is something I have struggled with for a very long time. I recently read a book which I found very useful on this path - Suicide by Sugar in which the author quotes research showing sugar is more addictive than cocaine. It sure feels that way to me.

In October of 2010, I went on a week long retreat at Magnolia Grove Monastery to listen to the profound wisdom of my teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh (Thay). After a couple of days without sugar, my body felt terrible, weakness, headaches, nausea, the shakes. It was very surprising to me. At the end of day three, I started feeling amazing. Bright, strong and full of energy. Part of it was the environment, vegetarian cooking and deep meditations but I can not ignore how profound my cravings for sugar were early in the week. As with any addict, it is easy to stay sober when you are isolated from the substance of choice. However, out here in the real world, sugars and fats are all around us. Out in plain sight as well as deeply hidden in the foods we eat.

There are several parts to this healing path -
I will be working to eliminate all forms of sugar from my diet and reducing fats.
I will be listening intently to the self talk and working to heal the words, replacing them with my new core beliefs.
I will seek outside support for my goals from family, friends and strangers to help me along this path for we never do anything, truly on our own.
I will use the training principles I have been given in my training to deepen my physical, mental and emotional commitment to myself and my students.
I am committing to write an entry every Friday throughout 2013 to document my progress.


This will be a work in progress but today is as good a day as any to start my journey.

Happy New Year 2012?

I know I have not written in quite some time but I feel compelled to start again anew for 2012...

Much has happened in my life since that final post on December 23, 2007 but one thing has remained constant - I am still training and teaching Tai Chi and Qigong. More on that later but you can get a glimpse at this link to my End of Year Message

So here I sit at 11:27 CST on December 31st, 2011 with my first blog entry in over 4 years.

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Happy New Year 2012...?

I have been witnessing so many messages wishing me and everyone else, the very best for the new year and yet I feel indifferent to it all. At what point did we decide to make such a huge deal of turning from one year to the next, after all it is just another 24 hour period marked in time.

Well, before I acknowledge this celebration, I have a few questions.

Why is December 31^st so much better than March 3^rd, June 9^th or any other day in our calendar year?

Why must we wait an entire year before we decide to make meaningful changes in our lives?

Why then, do these changes tend to wither away so quickly?

I know this view seems simplistic, maybe even cynical, but if you think about these questions long enough...

How about these questions...

What if we were to treat each day as if it were our last one on Earth?

What if we truly believed that every conversation we had could be the last words spoken to that person?

What if we were able to close all loose ends and lived a life free of remorse, regret and resentment?

What if, from this day forward, we simply treated everyone we meet as we want to be treated?

What would any of our deities do?

~ LCB

Tai Chi, integrity in motion...

Tai Chi is often called "Meditation in Motion". While this conjures up imagery of students basking in the morning sun, gracefully moving through their forms, reflections dancing gently on a nearby pond, I personally feel it is a bit misleading, especially during the first few years of Tai Chi training when simple coordination and concentration are such an effort. After the basics are comfortable THEN the hard training begins in earnest. I am always reminding my students, "If it is easy, then it is NOT Tai Chi". Creating that "effortless" movement only looks easy. Consider how beautiful and graceful (even effortless) the Olympic Gymnast or Figure Skater looks when performing their routines for a captivated audience. Then consider the amount of personal sacrifice that went into that performance; countless hours, weeks and years of proper diet, consistent exercise and repetitive training. So then why do new students walking into our Tai Chi classes think that they can master this process of training the body in a few short weeks? The ones that stay with the program soon begin to discover its treasures through better balance, improved strength, coordination and concentration but the forms are far from graceful at this point in training. Years will pass before one feels "comfortable" with the forms. This is perfectly natural as there is no substitute for time and consistent training.

Supporting the Sky...
In last week's classes we paid close attention to our Grounding Energy; giving ourselves a strong, well rooted stance. Tai Chi has its roots in Daoist Philosophy which clearly observes balance in all things as is well represented in the Yin Yang symbol.

Therefore, to focus only on Grounding would ignore half of the equation; Supporting the Sky brings that all important balance to this spinal training. Both Grounding and Supporting the Sky begin in the lower Dan Tien then travel in opposite directions down or up the spine respectively. This combined focus on spinal flow creates another principal focus called "Needle in the Cotton".

Listening to your body...
When we wiggle our fingers, the brain has sent signals through our nervous system to the appropriate muscle groups which then create the desired movement. As an added bonus, our eyes provide visual confirmation of this action. In another example, when we tighten our abdominal muscles we can not "see" them flex (at least most of us can't) we have to feel it happen. This internal focus translates (simply enough) as "listening". In order to truly train your body effectively, you must heighten you ability to "tune in" to yourself through deeper concentration.

One of the most effective relaxation techniques I know is the visualization of sinking into the bed with every exhale. This imagination play very effectively communicates with the brain and begins the process releasing muscles in an effort to provide the desired sensation of sinking into the bed. When working on spinal strengthening through the "Needle in the Cotton" principal, visualization (imagining both the Grounding Energy and Supporting the Sky's rising energy) is a very important tool. Being able to confirm your efforts through effective "listening" allows you to close the loop on the process giving you positive confirmation of your actions.

A road map to a better mind/body connection...
If you decide that Tai Chi is for you then realize that it will take time and sincere effort to produce the desired results. There are no magic pills or substitutions for the focused attention, deep concentration and precise alignments required to be successful. Consider yourself an explorer of unknown terrain (your body and mind). You are setting out on an adventure that will give you a much clearer "road map" of yourself. Providing you the opportunity to affect real change within your own "body world". This journey will take a deep commitment to yourself, a determination that will challenge you mentally, physically and emotionally. Simply put, Tai Chi is about creating Integrity in Motion.

Tai Chi, its a three way street...

This week Fayne and I had a seminar to do for Adult Protective Services. It was their annual meeting and we were asked to come in and talk with and teach them techniques in effective stress management. The preparation for this seminar gave me an opportunity to learn about their working conditions and the stresses they are placed under each day. Social workers, like teachers are often underpaid, overworked and under appreciated; to dismiss these facts and simply say that it goes with the territory is also, unfair.

The mind body connection runs deep...
Tai Chi training has three distinct levels of work; physical, mental and spiritual... Each level is guided towards a comfortable inner harmony or balance. What most people fail to realize is how fully connected these three levels are to each other. Here are some specific examples for your consideration:

PHYSICAL ---> MENTAL ---> SPIRITUAL
NEGATIVE: Chronic or acute physical pain causes mental distraction, reducing one's ability to concentrate and can strongly affect one's mood, patience and energy level. Poor diet and lack of exercise will affect energy levels as well as attitude.
POSITIVE: Strong posture, healthy physical exercise and a good diet can provide mental clarity and promote spiritual wellness through a sense of well-being.

PHYSICAL <--- MENTAL ---> SPIRITUAL
NEGATIVE: Mental confusion, disorientation or a sense of overburden can cause high blood pressure, migraines, loss of appetite, restlessness, fatigue, anger, frustration and depression
POSITIVE: Consistent meditation, quiet time and / or personal contemplation, can positively affect your mental clarity and spirit as well as lowering your blood pressure, eliminating hyper-tension and reducing fatigue

PHYSICAL <--- MENTAL <--- SPIRITUAL
NEGATIVE: Sadness, depression, anger and frustration can restrict your ability to concentrate, increase tension, affect your posture, create fatigue, insomnia and loss of appetite
POSITIVE: Taking the time to work on your spirit will help you feel lighter mentally as well and release deep seated stresses "baggage", allowing you to take life a little easier, greatly enhancing your physical well being by reducing blood pressure, relieving tension, promoting a more stable attitude and opening your Heart Center to love.

This may seem like "new age who ha" but there is clear scientific evidence for each of the points I am making as well as my own personal experiences with myself and my students. In addition, when I presented this information, along with specific exercises, to the APS Social Workers I was met with MANY nodding heads who clearly saw the connections through their own personal experiences. This is a group of people who can clearly draw relationships between the stresses of their jobs and the resulting high blood pressure, hyper-tension, migraines, depression, anger and exhaustion. Many say that "it comes with the territory" when you are trying to help people who may not understand what is going on or feel they don't need the help, even when it is painfully clear how badly they do need you.

Perspective is huge...
Tai Chi is about physical, mental and spiritual balance, no matter what causes your imbalances, your perspective on them is a huge part of how they affect you. Each day we make decisions that will determine our mood, stress level and physical health. Very often, we tell ourselves "little white lies" to help convince ourselves that we can do this...

• I don't have time for a health breakfast I can just shove a donut in my mouth on the way to the first of many meetings in my overbooked day; I can get something good to eat later
  
• I need the caffeine to help keep me awake
  
• My body hurts after I run but I don't like other forms of exercise
• I can stay up and work on this report, I really only need about 4 hours sleep; my boss will be impressed
  
• Drinking helps me to relax; after all it is only on the weekends
• I will slow down when I get this project to the next stage
• He is my customer, I have to do what he says, even if it is long hours and on the weekend
• My family knows I love them I don't have to tell them how I feel
  
• It is only a little lie, besides he/she would get upset if they knew the truth and I don't want to deal with that
  
• I don't have time to: cook, exercise, play a game with my kids, (insert your issue here)
  

The words "work / life balance" seem to have taken on a different meaning lately. It seems to be more about how much can we pile on before the balance breaks instead of determining when enough is enough. As a Cubmaster and Boy Scout Leader, each week I see kids being driven to band, soccer, scouts and baseball ALL in the same week! I have seen kids come into a scout meeting sweaty, still in their sports uniform, not having eaten anything since lunch, trying to concentrate on first aid skills for an hour then grabbing some fast food on the way home to a pile of homework. This is on top of school projects and chores! I have seen camp outs driven so hard to cram as much as possible int one weekend that the boys did not have time to truly appreciate the natural beauty we drove 5 hours to see. I am also seeing more and more obesity in these children. This begs the question; "What will the next generation be like?" Will they have the faintest idea what it means to relax, slow down and enjoy life? With 75% of disease in this country directly related to stress, what will their medical bills look like. The message I tried to impart on my students this week as well at the Social Workers at the seminar is simple, take time for yourself on your own terms or your body, sooner or later, will force you into taking time on its terms through illness, disease or a breakdown. Our bodies are like tax collectors, you can either pay me now, or pay me later.

A final thought...
Each week, I have the benefit of working with many people who are on the other side of cancer, strokes, heart attacks and other life threatening diseases. I have also lost some dear students and family to these same diseases and worked with people who faced terminal illness head on with grace and beauty. It is clear to me that they all share one thing in common. No matter what drove them to their particular illness, the fear of death has changed them forever. Suddenly they appreciate the little things, have more tolerance for the "stupid things" and express their love more freely. I would like to suggest that it is better to learn from their near death experiences than to create one of our own to affect change in our own lives. And if you still need a wake-up call, go volunteer some time with the children at Scottish Rite Hospital, that should do it.

Tis the season for Tai Chi...

The holiday season is always a mixed blessing.

As much as there is joy, there is also sorrow;
As much as gifts abound, some must do without;
As much as there is kindness, anger runs wild and free;
As much as there is peace, stress is embedded in each day;

Why, just this week I saw two people driving down the road, wishing each other a happy holiday season with their MIDDLE FINGERS...

Breathe, relax and try to remember the REAL reasons we celebrate this time of year...

The mind / body connection - A road map for your health...
Last week we focused on concentration. This week we took that same focus into the body. Imagine that you move to a new town. Typically, the first thing you will learn are the major roadways. Then, with time and practice, you will find easier, more efficient routes to your favorite places. You will get very comfortable driving those routes and resist changing them. So it is with our spirit. When we are newborn, infant, toddler we are using the highways (gross motor skills). Then, as we grow up, we begin to find easier, more refined ways to make the same movements (using the best roads, and favorite short cuts). When we take on something new (like a road unpaved) wit is choppy, unrefined but with time and frequent effort (travel) to smooth it out, we improve. As we age, some roads we were used to using frequently, become less traveled. WE become less flexible, not as strong and maybe lose our ability to balance effectively. If we continue to ignore these issues (roads) they will become increasingly more difficult to find. You do not have to run a marathon to stay active, just don't stop doing things you enjoy and make sure you keep those "roads" well traveled.

The fewer, the better...
One of the main goals in Tai Chi and Qigong training is to become more fully aware of our own internal muscle map (roadways). We strive to become increasingly more efficient at using our bodies. Imagine being able to perform a movement with 3 muscles in lieu of 23. Those 20 "extra" muscles would then be able to relax and enjoy a gentle stretch while the 3 were working harder than ever before. Circulation through the relaxed areas would increase and as an added bonus, the 3 working muscles would get much stronger and more connected within the brain's map in the process. They would develop a more precise understanding of what their role is within our intricate body. This increased efficiency helps to conserve energy, boost immune functions and vitality as well as stimulating deeper concentration and a profound sense of calm.


Heart Strings...
While working on the body is important, it is truly only the tip of the Tai Chi iceberg. One cannot honestly call it Tai Chi or Qigong unless the body, mind and heart (spirit) are ALL fully involved. IN my 30 years of martial training and my more recent judging of Tai Chi competitions, I have seen many talented people. Some were master technicians, performing with such precision, yet something was still lacking in all their efforts. Then I have seen the less technical student meander through the forms with a grace and beauty that left everyone watching, deeply moved by the performance. The difference between the two lies deeply within the mysteries of our own heart. In Tai Chi and Qigong, physical precision and mental focus mean very little without a clear heart connection.

I asked students this week to perform the opening form with NO regard for the technical aspects of the movement, just move with an open, loving heart. For some, I should have asked for the Brooklyn Bridge, it would have been easier... Some students were completely unable to open up to this training concept while others embraced it fully and yet others, literally "fell apart" while trying. The varied reactions did not really surprise me since we spend so much time concealing our true feelings in order to "spare" another person's feelings or to protect our "image" of world order. We even lie to ourselves to help make our frustrations more bearable hoping that it will all magically get better somehow. "Everything will get better", "I'm fine, really" "everyone argues, that's just our passion and love, right?" I am here to tell you from personal experience, just like physical training, if you do not put in the work, you will not get the results, period. I have met VERY FEW people that know Tai Chi at this level. In all my travels and working with some truly gifted teachers, I can honestly think of 2 or 3 that understood the heart connection well enough to apply it into their own lives. Amazingly, these teachers were were open and honest about the fact that they were "still working on it".

Try it at home...
Pick a movement; any movement. It does NOT have to be specifically Tai Chi or Qigong related, it should just feel natural and relaxed to your body. Before you move, breathe, relax and fill your heart with love. Once you truly feel this love deep in your heart, allow yourself to move, keeping your focus on the love, not the technique. Notice how relaxed and at peace you begin to feel. I have found that, for most of us, it takes a lot of practice to hold your focus. For those who work with their hearts daily, healers and spiritual teachers for example, this exercise is an integral part of their everyday existence... We can make it a wonderful part of our everyday too, if we put in the "heart time".

Journaling is "Heart Work"...
For my own training, I have found journaling to be a profound source of wisdom and insight into my deepest self. Here are some tips that may help you journal effectively:

• It takes time to develop the habit so do not let yourself get angry or frustrated if you miss a day or two or twelve. Allow yourself to write when YOU NEED to write, not just because it is a new day.
• Write from the heart, do not edit for content, punctuations or grammatical correctness. Let it flow naturally without judgement or fear of being "found out".
  
• Once you have written an entry, walk away from it and reread it the next day. You may find some insights that you were too close to see before.
• Every feeling is valid and should be acknowledged, do not allow yourself to suppress anything when writing, this will prevent your true nature from showing itself to you.
• Trust the process, do not "expect" results from the work. The lessons will be there when the student is ready to hear them.
• If you have someone you can share these insights and feelings with, you should consider doing so. This will further help to stimulate your personal growth and may give you a completely different perspective.
• Write from the heart, do not let the mind take over. If you get "stuck" walk away for a while, it will come back when it is ready.
  

Using Tai Chi to train focus, concentration...

I read an article this week on the effects of aging on our ability to concentrate. READ ARTICLE HERE According to this study, done by the Wake Forest University School of Medicine there seems to be no connection between aging and a loss of concentration. So now all my "old" students will have to find another excuse for their lack of focus... ;-) In their defense, there are two ways I know for certain can affect a student's ability to concentrate; hydration and medicine. If you are not getting enough water your brain chemistry can be altered making it much more difficult to concentrate. Western medicine has, with its LOOOOOOOOOOONG list of side effects can also impair one's ability to concentrate either directly altering brain chemistry or indirectly with ugly side effects that serve to distract us.

Mental muscles... Mind over matter?
It has been my experience that we can very effectively train our "concentration muscles" The study from Wake Forest goes a long way to support that hypothesis. READ STUDY SUMMARY HERE When working with a new Tai Chi student, we work first on helping them learn to recognize and release muscle tension. We work on mechanical fundamentals until they begin to gain a better mind/body connection (communication). As they grow in their training they find it easier to concentrate, developing higher levels of communication within their bodies. Meditation is a great example of this process. When you first attempt meditation (lets say just being still and focusing on the breath) you will typically find it very difficult to stay focused for any period of time. Usually, your mind will "wander off" task and it will take you a while to even realize it. After several frustrating attempts, most students , at this point label meditation as "too hard" or "not for me". The ones that keep working on it soon find their awareness of the "wandering mind" becomes more acute and that are able to more quickly return to their meditation focus. The formula is simple
(Practice + Time = Success)

Imagine that...
I have read many books about Tai Chi and Qigong and have worked with many gifted teachers; across the board, each of them speaks of using visualizations as a training tool. For a long time, I had trouble with this; later I could FEEL the benefit but lacked understanding. Now, I realize how visualization actually provides us with another method of communicating with our bodies. For example, early in training I am asking students to focus on three points of their feet to help them establish better stability and balance; later on, as they become more aware and comfortable with this focus, I ask them to "feel heavy" in their steps or stance without compromising their posture. Once the sensations of heaviness are easy for them to achieve throughout their practice they will lose the need for the visualization and begin to simply "be heavy". The feeling of being grounded and solid stays with them without the mental effort. This deepened sense of mind/body understanding is the root of our Tai Chi and Qigong training. We are ever refining our personal mind/body connection in order to develop deep strength and flexibility; increased circulation and vitality; heightened immune function and a very powerful overall sense of unity and peace.

Relaxation exercise... Please, try this at home...
Next time you are having trouble falling asleep or just want to relax for a bit, maybe meditate? ;-) try this...

Begin by sitting or lying down comfortably and focusing on your breath. Just listen to the inhale / exhale cycle and allow yourself to be still with this focus. Once your concentration has settled comfortably into the breath, visualize that with every exhale you are sinking deeper into the chair or mattress. Don't try to "make" yourself relax, simply visualize the sinking energy upon every exhale. It may take some practice to stay focused but I have found this to be a wonderful tool on a restless night. As with everything else, the more you practice, the easier it gets...Don't give up!

Rules for visualization
The rule is... There are no rules! NO right or wrong way to "play". Identify a desired focus (like relaxation) and then create and imagery you can relate to which gives you the sensation of being relaxed. The tool came can be used to create strong posture, grounding energy and any of our other 12 principals for Tai Chi and Qigong training.

Relax, focus and have fun with it!